Look, I’m doing a BB on Oceanhorn because I owe it to myself. I owe it to Oceanhorn. I downright forced myself to finish this game, off and on, little by little, over the course of about a year, and in the end, it was… fine. Honestly the only reason I even purchased it in the first place was because it looked like a game I really wanted to play once upon a time. Like, 25 years ago.

Let’s rewind a little bit. Okay, let’s rewind a lot, to the summer of 1996. The SNES had existed for a few years already and there were a ton of games out for the system. I had just recently discovered my love of adventure RPG’s. I mean, sure, Zelda. Duh. But I mean the more involved adventure RPG’s. Secret of Mana, Secret of Evermore, Chrono Trigger, Illusion of Gaia. I couldn’t get enough of that shit.

Then one day I was at a friend’s house and I saw in one of his old Gamepro’s a game called Equinox. It was an isometric rpg type game on the SNES, and I just from reading the articles and looking at the pictures, I had to have it.

Now, those of you old bastards like me will remember what it was like trying to find a game in the mid-90’s. There was no internet. There was no ebay, or craigslist, or IGN. There were no Gamestops. There were Blockbuster Videos, Kmart’s, a Sears or two, maybe a Toys R US, and if you were in the right part of town, a Babbage’s or Kay-bee Toys. But none of them had a website, because remember no internet. So how did you find out if a store had a game? You called them on the fucking telephone and asked them.

But see, department stores were just that, stores broken up into departments. So first you had to call the main store number, then ask for a specific department. Then you had to get transferred, and wait for that one person working to answer the phone. Then if you were lucky enough to get an answer, you asked them if they had a certain game. After the fourth or fifth time repeating yourself (because games back then they were niche and nobody fucking knew anything about them), they would put you on hold while they- you guessed it- went and checked the shelf to see if they saw anything resembling what they thought you told them. If they found one, great, if not… well you then said ‘thanks,’ hung up the phone, then flipped through the phone book till you found another location you could call.

Well, anyways, I must have called every store on my side of town and asked if they had Equinox. Nobody had it, or if they did, they didn’t know what the hell I was asking for and just faked it. It was a bummer, but eventually (like, two hours later) I forgot all about it and went on with my life, probably playing some NBA Jam or Saturday Night Slam Masters, who knows. To this day I’ve still never played Equinox, but through the power of the internet (mainly Youtube) I’ve learned that it was kind of a shitty game anyway.

But that isometric, blocky look always stuck with me. It was intriguing, and I guess it stuck with me because all these years later, when I saw Oceanhorn, all those dinky little childhood memories came crawling back. (I say childhood, but I was like, 15). And for what it’s worth, Oceanhorn isn’t a bad game. It’s not a great game, and the combat is woefully simplistic, but it’s not bad.

There are puzzles and a few rudimentary skills that are tied to found objects (if you think Legend of Zelda, you’re right on the money). Oceanhorn doesn’t try to hide its inspiration. The ocean traversal and character designs feel ripped right out of Wind Waker, though it does differ just enough to not feel like a total spoof.

The biggest problem with the game is that it just doesn’t have any of the personality you’d expect it to, judging from its aesthetic, whereas a game like Wind Waker had a quirky humor and whimsy to it, Oceanhorn’s characters are inanimate objects that stand and wait for you to talk to them, and even then most of them don’t have much to say. Your character is a silent protagonist and the different islands, while unique, are very static. The isometric view comes with a few little gripes that you would expect from a fixed camera angle, but nothing terrible. It is what it is, it’s just not terribly exciting.

The reason this barbecue is sounding a lot like a review is because, well, that’s really all there is to talk about. The game is pretty easy and never really lends much of a challenge, and the final boss is laughably easy, for something that was so formidable that it had a game named after it. It all works well enough to keep from being overly frustrating. It’s hard to have any feelings about it one way or the other. As I said, it’s not great, it’s not bad, it’s just… fine. If you like games like this, and aren’t in the mood for a challenge, it might be worth a look.

One last thing; there is an Oceanhorn 2 on the horizon, and it looks like they traded Zelda: Wind Waker for Zelda Breath of the Wild. You know what they say, imitation is the highest form of flattery. I’m more than willing to give it a try.

UPDATE: After I wrote this, I looked up Oceanhorn 2, only to realize it’s been out for a year now, but it’s exclusive to Apple. I guess I won’t be giving it a try, because fuck Apple.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: After wrote that update, I looked again and realized it’s coming to Nintendo Switch, so that’s cool. I will give it a try on Switch for the right price.