With Assassin’s Creed Odyssey fresh off the presses and into the world, it’s time for me to hop into the Animus and go back in time. No, not to the times of Sparta and togas, but all the way back to 2007, when Desmond first went into the Animus to go back to the middle ages.
See, I have a confession to make. Even though there are no less than 1 bajillion Assassin’s Creed games, I’ve never really played any of them, except for one. Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag was a launch title for the Xbox One, and was really the most impressive showcase for the console, not counting RYSE. Hey, now that I think about it, RYSE is pretty much just a condensed version of Odyssey anyway. Maybe I should just play that?
But I digress. Black Flag was the only Ass Creed game I’d ever really put any time into, despite the weird fact that I own almost all of the Assassin’s Creed games. This isn’t a case of buying them and immediately throwing them into the backlog pile either. I seriously have never purchased any other AC other than Black Flag.
Assassin’s Creed ended up in my gaming binder somehow. I think it’s my nephew’s. Never played it.
Assassin’s Creed II was a Games With Gold title a while back. Downloaded it, but never played it.
Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood is also on my gaming shelf, though I know I never bought it. Again, my nephew’s maybe? Never played it.
Assassin’s Creed III was likewise a Games With Gold title, along with Syndicate and Revelations. Downloaded them all, never played them.
Add to those the three spin-off Assassin’s Creed games, China, Russia, and India, and all total I have TEN Assassin’s Creed games I have not only never completed, but nine I’ve never even played!
So I’m fixing that. I’m choosing Broke-tober to do this because I have no money to spend on new games anyway. I installed the first Assassin’s Creed game and have been slowly but surely grinding away at the game for a few nights now. And holy shit what a grind it is.
I remember hearing all the flack the game got for being repetitive, but I never realized just how repetitive this game actually is. If I’m not scaling a tower, I’m eavesdropping. If I’m not eavesdropping, I’m saving a peasant from the guards. If I’m not rescuing peasants, I’m collecting flags. Over and over again. It’s pretty monotonous.
What probably drives me nuts though, more than the repeated activities, are the beggars that harass you incessantly. Some of them just won’t leave me the fuck alone. They constantly get in the way. At first I kinda felt bad, I mean, there’s nothing you can really do for them. Altair doesn’t seem to have any money to give them, which is fine because Altair never seems to have to eat or pee. Why would he need money? The beggars need that shit though, badly. So badly, that they’ll keep stepping in front of you and stopping you, asking for something that you literally cannot give them. I started to become very annoyed by this, especially when they began to interfere with a pick-pocketing activity. This adamant old bag insisted on getting in between me and the mark, time and time again, to the point where I just had to stab her.
That was a bad idea.
Stabbing and killing beggars using your assassination blade will apparently bring all the guards in the area down upon you. But no one seems to give a shit if you punch ’em! So I’ve been punching old ladies for the past few days, and it’s been oddly satisfying. There’s something about punching a beggar that gives me goosebumps. Maybe it’s because I can’t really punch them in real life.
I do have a soft spot in gaming. I always try to take the path of the hero, and do all the good deeds. Helping people makes me feel good. But I can’t help these people. The game will not let me. So instead I must punch them, just to get them the fuck away from me and let me do my killin’.
I have found it odd that the Templars are obviously fully aware of the Assassins, since walking within twenty feet of one will elicit an attack, yet no one else seems to recognize or at least question why Altair is wearing what he’s wearing. It’s obviously the garb of the assassin. You’d think people would be like “hey, that guy’s an assassin.”
Oh, and something else has been bothering me. These two people, these scientists, that are holding Desmond practically hostage and forcing him to get into the Animus, don’t seem to think it’s the slightest bit sketchy that they’re putting this guy into a killing simulation, where he is taught how to kill? Nothing like a five-hour Animus session to de-sensitize a guy on mass killings, up close and personal. Maybe watch what you tell him the next time he’s out, huh professor?
I’ve never paid enough attention to the Ass Creed series to know how this game ends, but I really hope it closes with Desmond running and pouncing on the guy, stabbing him in the throat with a pen and shouting “Know where I learned this, motherfucker?”
But it probably won’t, because that would be awesome. Until then, I’ll keep grinding away, Picking pockets and finding flags and sitting on OH MY GOD.
