**Update** The very next day after writing this, I read a story on ign.com that the still rare, still very much in-demand Classic NES is being discontinued. Nintendo was quoted, “NES Classic Edition wasn’t intended to be an ongoing, long-term product. However, due to high demand, we did add extra shipments to our original plans.” Of course, we all know the real reason Nintendo killed it. Why give us 30 classic NES titles for $60 when they can make everyone who owns a Switch re-purchase each one individually for $5 (or more) a pop? I guess in this case, Nintendo DOES want my money. By taking away a great deal and making me spend almost 3x the amount on the same games. One of these days I hope Nintendo’s anti-consumer bullshit bites them in the ass for good.

I’ve had about $200 of credit at Gamestop for about three weeks now. It’s been waiting for the day Nintendo re-stocks the store shelves with their “insanely popular” Nintendo Switch. I don’t know when that will be, and neither does Gamestop.

The reason I use the description “insanely popular” in quotes is because, well.. I just don’t know how popular the Switch is. Once again, Nintendo followed their own predictable pattern and ridiculously under-produced their console. It is something that they have done time and again, ever since the Nintendo DS became the unpredictable success that it was. The DS sold out, and left many an empty shelf in Walmarts, Best Buys, Targets, etc.

Don’t be fooled for one second that Nintendo wasn’t paying attention. Since then:

  • The Wii was understocked.
  • Their line of Amiibos suffered from “shortages.”
  • The Classic NES was understocked (and any twit with a half a brain knew that was going to be a hit).
  • The Nintendo Switch was understocked.

Their only exceptions in the past ten years have been the 3DS and the Wii U, both because they were very poorly launched systems. The 3DS was largely overpriced, and only saw a recovery when the price was lowered, and the Wii U suffered from brand recognition issues and lack of developer support (and it was expensive).

If there’s one thing we can’t argue, it’s that Nintendo sucks at console launches. I don’t think they’ve had a smooth launch since the Super NES. But while Nintendo doesn’t seem to know what the word “launch” means, they do know that people want what they can’t have. It’s not a secret. It happened with Cabbage Patch Kids back in the 80’s. It happened with the Furbies in the 90’s.. and it happened with the PS2 back in 2000.

When it happened with the Wii, I completely believe that it was by accident. The N64 and Gamecube didn’t exactly set the world on fire, but the Wii just had that appeal. It was totally underestimated, and their initial stock was gone in hours. It was a phenomenon.

But then it happened again with the Classic NES, and then again with the Switch. Nintendo seems to have a knack for knowing what people want, and refusing to give it to them. Nintendo denies holding back, but what scenario sounds more likely to you? That a multi-billion dollar, 100+ year old company genuinely does not know what it’s doing (repeatedly), or that they know that an artificial demand is a great way to a quick initial install base, so that you can show a bunch of nice charts and graphs to potential investors and publishers?

Make no mistake, Nintendo is the Forrest Gump of video gaming. I wouldn’t be surprised if they wiped their ass on a yellow shirt and that’s why we have Pikachu. It’s how Nintendo has enjoyed success for a number of years now, and how they will continue to do so until people stop falling for their innocent businessman bullshit.

I’m a big Nintendo fan. I have been since the early 80’s when I got my NES Power Set for Christmas. But I was also a fan of a certain drunk uncle as a kid. And like a drunk uncle, Big N will drop by unannounced in the middle of the week, probably while I’m at a doctor’s appointment or at work, and he’ll want to have a good ol’ time, but won’t want to wait till I’m available. So with a “sucks for you” smirk on his face, Drunk Uncle N will slide back into his Trans-Am and drive away, leaving me to wonder when I might see him again.

And of course, Big N being the drunk bastard that he is, will only say, “Soon.”

Well fuck you Big N. I’ve got other uncles to hang with.