I’ve started Fallout 4 several times. Then I’ve put down Fallout 4 several times. It’s a vicious cycle that I’ve never been able to push through. I start the game with the intention of actually completing the main story, and the next thing I know I’m running fetch quests for the Brotherhood for the hundredth time. I stumble into Diamond City, again, and then get sucked into helping the various citizens, again. Rinse and repeat, over and over, like Ground Hog Day. Every time essentially the same, but every time just a little bit different. In the end, nothing ever comes of it, and the game is left on the shelf for another few months until I get the urge to dive back in. Of course, that means a fresh start. Rinse and repeat.

This time wasn’t going to be the same. With its inclusion on the Backlog Bingo board, I had an obligation to the blog, and myself, to finally finish Fallout 4 once and for all. Alliterations aside, that meant going through the motions that I had gone through so many times before. The answer?

Mods. Duh.

Since the inclusion of mods in the console versions of Fallout 4 and Skyrim SE disable the achievements, I’ve always used them as a playful diversion to the real playthrough, only using it to break up the boredom with a different character from time to time. But this time, I needed to avoid the jetlag that comes from starting the game over yet again and at the same time kick my leveling into fast forward. I got a kid to find and people to kill, after all.

It started with the visual mods, to make my life in the Commonwealth a lot less ugly. To start, a female lead character that didn’t look like she escaped from the House of Wax. Also, some hair, cuz damn those default styles are awful.

After some careful selection of body replacer mods, I ended up with Andromeda.

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That’s from The Andromeda Strain, which is one of the books propping up my monitor at the moment. What can I say, it was late and I needed a name. It just happened to be completely unoriginal. Anyways, with a look like that, her name might as well be Mud and I wouldn’t give a damn. It was all I could do to just click “Accept.”

The next thing I had to do was get buff, and quick. A 20x Experience Points mod helped in that department. Not too shabby when killing a RadRoach nets you two and a half levels. Before long I had maxed out my entire line of S.P.E.C.I.A.L. base stats. With that done I could cherry pick exactly which talents I wanted, and quickly max out the ones that were a necessity. So now not only was my character hot, but she was gaining levels at lightning speed.

Next on the list was some better looking clothes. It’s always been one of my Bethesda Pet Peeves that the clothing options in their games, both Fallout and Elder Scrolls, are usually hot garbage. I get that the Commonwealth is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but does that mean that everyone has to wear outfits with all the aesthetic allure of a wrinkled paper sack? Not with a custom vault suit mod! Honestly I went with a few different options, but ultimately settled on a sleek black number that helped to make her look more like a badass special agent rather than a homeless bag lady.

I also added an improved Cait character model, because she’s my favorite companion and normally kinda looks like shit. I like her because she likes that I pick locks and steal stuff, which is kinda what I do the entire game. The wasteland is harsh, and I don’t need some goody-goody judging my every move.

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I think the cleavage is a result of the modded outfit clipping through the modded Cait character model. That said, who am I to complain?

Once I had everything set, I was ready to begin! Little did I realize that taking a bee-line from one story objective to another is damn near impossible. Bethesda’s intertwined a number of their factions and settlements within the main story, and distractions abound. Especially when it pays to make that side trip for a special weapon or companion.

One of the things I didn’t jack with were the armor or weapons. They’re still the same as they would be, although I did kinda add a mod for the Chem Station that let me spawn as many materials as I needed. No time to farm that shit. I didn’t add it until later in my playthrough when I realized that my base weapons were doing about as much damage as a BB gun to the level-scaled Super Mutants that were now starting to infest practically every junkyard I came across. Which didn’t make much sense to me. I could down a Deathclaw with three shots, but a Super Mutant could take a mini-nuke to the face and go about his business. The Commonwealth is a wacky place.

It turned out the modified Chem Station was a good idea after all, as late in the storyline, you’re asked to built a machine (if you took the Brotherhood path), and not having the proper materials means you’re gallavating around former Boston when you’d really like to just get the shit done. I believe this happens twice, and it was relief to know I could just throw a magic grenade on the ground and it would turn into a chest containing 500 of every kind of scrap I’d ever need. Props to that guy.

That said, the Brotherhood of Steel faction quest line was kind of a drag.  The seriousness in which they take themselves is stifling at times. They really need to loosen up.

Except you, Danse, you crazy ass.

Except you, Danse, you crazy ass.

I suppose the same could be said of the entirety of Fallout 4. Sure, there are some quests that start to show a lighter side, but overall it seems as though the post-apocalyptic wasteland is one depressing place. That wears on a person, after a while. At least Elder Scrolls always had some hint of whimsy or satire, or some way to make your own entertainment. Like taking your adoring fan up to the highest cliff, equipping your biggest fire spell, and.. well you can guess the rest. No such luck in the Commonwealth. Perhaps that is always what kept me from finishing this off before now.

In any case, I played through the Brotherhood’s story to the point where I was escorting that big ass robot from Fallout 3, when… my game turned into a slideshow. I think I was getting about, oh, 1 frame per minute. It was the first time I’d encountered any hiccups with the game and I didn’t really know what to do, so I quit out of it. I then loaded my save back up, and then the same thing. I tried this several times, and each time my character was taking a half a step forward every 30 seconds. It was awful, and frankly a bit terrifying.

After the internet was completely unhelpful in the matter, I decided to just try dumping my Xbox cache to see if that helped. I loaded up my save and to my delight and complete, deflating relief, the game was working like a charm! I was able to continue walking my 50-foot iron dog all the way to the Institute. So here’s an important tip, kids. When Fallout 4 takes a long, slow, agonizing dump on your Xbox, try deleting that cache by holding your finger on the power button until it turns completely off. There, I’m now more helpful than the internet.

With that little scare behind me, I infiltrated the Institute and confronted you-know-who. He wasn’t glad to see me, and refused to talk. He just sat there, waiting for the end. So I shot him in the face. I didn’t have to, but I mean, I dunno.. he kinda looked like he was suffering. He said he was in pain, but I don’t really know why. I guess because I never went back to see him after I left. I guess I missed out on a little exposition there.

The epic battle was a little anti-climactic, but I suppose that’s my own fault, seeing as how I was Death Incarnate. Even still, it felt a little empty. It was hard to feel anything when I really didn’t spend that much time building relationships. Except for Cait. Oh, Cait, with her accidentally showing cleavage and that sexy Irish accent that is not heard anywhere else in the game and I don’t know where she even got it. She liked it when I killed stuff, and I liked that she liked it.

But, <ahem> I digress.  It wasn’t long after that, that the final nail was hammered into the proverbial coffin, and I was able to avenge.. actually, I don’t even know. It kinda seemed like everything was avenged after popping Kellog’s head open. The Institute never quite seemed to be the monster in the closet they were supposed to be, but I guess that was intentional.

Even still, they got vaporized, and I got a cutscene. A fitting little ending that brought it full circle to the opening cinematic, after which I was told by Maxson I had more work to do. I suppose I do, but when that work will actually get done is beyond me. It’s time for this game to go back on the shelf, until I get the urge to explore the Commonwealth once again.

 

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Or until I start to miss Cait. Whichever comes first.