How about that long ass blog title? What is this, a Japanese RPG? Surely, I jest. But seriously, I should’ve come up with something simpler. Ah well.
When we last left off, Sonja the Red had ventured out with reckless abandon, got her ass thoroughly kicked, and decided to hang up her adventuring hat and settle down on the bank of the river. We’ll see how long that lasts. Over to you, Sonja! -Merle
Hello again, it is I, Sonja the Red. When last we spoke, I had resigned my decision to travel north into the canyons. Instead, I chose to stay south, along the banks of the river, where food and water were plentiful and the enormous terrifying spiders were not. Much has been accomplished since that day, and yet, very little has happened.
I traveled west along the southern banks, past the Sentinels standing tall, to the point where the trees were thick and the waters murky. I pulled back a bit, settling on a flat plateau just east of an abandoned temple. It was far enough from the river to not bring attention to my home, but close enough to gather water and wood. These were the beginnings, the foundations of my new civilization, which will eventually sprawl across the landscape and give rise to a new empire, that which will crush all who stand in its way and bring to their knees the scourges that built the ghost fence and this blasted bracelet. And I as warrior queen will slaughter them in the street and feed them to the sand beasts and giant terrifying spiders and laugh as they scream and… *ahem*… As I said, this was where I decided to build my home.
I worked and toiled to complete my modest shelter, some storage, and of course a workbench. I had to get rid of these terrible rags. Little did I realize how much hide I would need to stitch together a set of light armor! There’s not much wildlife on the plateau, a rabbit here or there, or those deer with the horns, but they are too quick for me to sneak up on, and my aim with a bow is pretty shit. My only options left were the lizard ape men, the turtle dinosaur things, and the… other exiles.
While the lizard apes and turtle dinosaur things provided plenty of food and bones for my tools and weapons, their share of hide was rather limited. It wasn’t until I came upon a couple of exiles, huddled around a bonfire not far from my home, that I discovered what a bounty they were. I made quick work of them, which was rather easy since the dimwits had not even bothered to make clothes, let alone a decent weapon. I searched their bodies for anything of use, and then, slowly, my eyes sunk toward my axe. Perhaps I’d been ignoring a valuable resource all this time? It was worth a try, and in seconds, my curiosity paid off.
Aside from picking up an occasional skull and more lopped off legs and arms than I have any need for, I also got hide. Quite a bit of it. Not much by normal standards but more than I had received from anything else. These exiles were good for something after all.
I discarded the skulls and human flesh. I have no need for it when I have a community of lizard apes just to the east. They make a fine bit of roast. The human hides on the other hand, went back to my work bench. Before long, I had enough hide to make myself a nice set of light armor. Yes, that is what I said. I am wearing the skins of my dead enemies. Don’t fuck with Sonja the Red.
Having achieved my goal of clothing myself in something other than grass, I came to a point where I could no longer accomplish what I needed to with the materials at hand. I needed better equipment, and better tools. I needed iron.
The trouble was, I had not come across anything even slightly resembling iron. Where was I to find it? Having traveled north, unsuccessfully, I looked along the river to find an area I may not have searched. This led me back to the west, past the mighty sentinels that had served as a landmark through countless generations. It was then I decided to use these landmarks for my own purposes. I built a small shelter, complete with a bedroll in which to rest and take cover from the mighty sandstorms that hit without warning. Let the sentinels forever stand watch over my hovel, and serve as a landmark visible for miles, that I may know exactly where I may find refuge.
I continued my journey west, past the place where I first laid eyes on the oasis and plunged my face into the cool water of the river. I did not even glance in the direction of the broken highway from where I once crawled, naked and weak, afraid of even the smallest of turtle dinosaur things. Once on the other side of the great crumbled bridge, I turned north, curious and confident that I could find the source of my needed iron, and that I could harvest it and return home soon.
Little did I know there were scorpions. Or shall I say, a single scorpion from the lowliest depths of hell itself. I had no quarrel with the scorpion, but it made it perfectly clear that it did not want me there. As I pounded a nearby hyena into a mushy paste, the scorpion caught me by surprise. It was small, but packed quite a punch with its pincers and stinging attacks. I was overly confident, and foolish, and I met my end after a careless discarding of my weapon. Why I felt the sudden urge to put away my weapon, I may never know, but I then attempted to punch and kick the scorpion to death, a strategy that is not recommended.
I awoke on a bedroll I had luckily placed nearby, and of course I was yet again naked without a single item to my name. I knew if I could reach the place of my previous death, I could re-acquire my belongings, and most importantly my new armor. I slowly walked back to the place I had died, and behold, the scorpion that had murdered me sat atop my corpse, standing there, with no purpose other than to mock me with its many beady eyes. I began my slow, cautious journey toward it, and like the psychic demon crustacean that it is, it turned and charged!
I ran past the creature -I could not die again- and made it to my previous dead body. I grabbed all I could, but the scorpion was on me, stinging me with its mighty tail and bashing and clawing with its great pincers. I was not expecting my belongings to be so heavy, but having not the time to get dressed, I attempted to flee with everything. It over-encumbered me, and my quick escape was reduced to a slow stagger. I limped slowly toward my cot, but I was too slow, and I was dead again.
I awoke, again, with nothing. I knew this time though, I was that much closer to my belongings. I crept forward again, and saw the scorpion again guarding my newly dead body. I had yet to score a victory against it. I took a step and- it was charging again! Great Crom’s balls, this little piece of spiny shit was as blood-thirsty as a Hyrkanian mongrel unfed for a fort-night. I ran a wide circle around the beast, grabbed my belongings and staggered once again under the weight. If only I could manage to flee just a bit further before death was upon me. I covered some ground and then met my fate once again.
I awoke on my roll, naked and furious at the gods for this fate! This was the last time, lest the western desert be strewn with the bodies of a hundred Sonjas, all topless, laid in a line like a trail of bloody bread crumbs. I knew at once that the rabid nightmare scorpion would be on me at once, so I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and as I looted my freshest corpse I quickly threw on my light armor, before the scorpion would have a chance to attack. I was protected now, and no longer over-encumbered. I sprinted away, thankful to be leaving with more than a loin cloth. I’ll remember this day, scorpion, and I only pray the gods have a similar plan for you, so that I may kill you a hundred times over.
Finally free of the trolling eyes of the hell-scorpion, I re-organized myself and plotted a different path, away from that blasted patch of sand and toward the canyons. The brick monstrosity I attempted to enter first loomed out before me, overlooking the river canyon and its ledges and waterfalls. If I’m going to find iron, it’s not going to be along the southern edge of the land, it will be to the north, where roam the hyenas and crocs, and the dreaded spiders with their poison. I look out ahead and feel a sense of urgency, but also fear. I wasn’t yet ready, but it seems as though I have no choice.
I have to go back.
