Nintendo had their Direct this week, where they talked some more about the upcoming Mario Odyssey. Some of the reveals were a few new zones for Mario to traverse, including an ice level (because we always need more ice levels!) and a beach resort level. Of course, the costume theme remains consistent, and he has to dress appropriately wherever he is. That includes a parka for snow, and going topless at the beach.
I believe we can chalk this up to things we never really needed to know about Mario. There’s something oddly disturbing about seeing Mario without his shirt on. While Nintendo is trying hard to retcon Mario into no longer being a plumber, he is still very much Italian, so his lack of body hair is something of a concern. Not to mention his nice, even tan. Mario has been completely covered from the neck down for well over 30 years now. He’s never really had a chance to darken that glistening Mediterranean physique. The only dark spots on his body should be the two nipples encased in a wiry ring of curly chest hairs that branch out from the veritable Italian forest that should cover the majority of Mario’s chest and back.
Mario’s sickly pale arms should be covered in a soft, down-like layer of dark fuzz, his arms having been removed of rough hairs by years of tight sleeves rubbing them bare. His Curly-like hands would be soft and tender, having been protected in gloves for most of his life. I like to think he covers them in Vaseline as to keep them soft, because Peaches bruise easily.
The substitution of a pair of trunks in lieu of a speedo is a welcome design decision, because I don’t know if I could’ve handled Mario’s banana hammock flopping around as he frolicked on the beach. Even though all that jumping should have given some quads to kill for, his flat Fred Flinstone feet are a result of wearing work boots that offer little arch support.
Before you say anything, I also wondered why he’s not wearing any large, gold chains, but it’s possible he prefers not to wear any due to their extra weight affecting his vertical hops. Who’s to say?
Not a lot of Nintendo’s decisions make a whole lot of sense, but I guess when your game features a sentient hat that takes over people’s bodies and has possibly been controlling Mario the whole time there’s a little suspension of disbelief expected. But I can’t do that. So I modified Nintendo’s pic to be a little more accurate.
Author’s note: I realize that this article hits on more than a few Italian stereotypes, but no more than the Sopranos. And people loved that show.
